*This evening, it is my great pleasure to introduce you to a gentleman that I have known and respected for… gosh, is it possible… over thirty years!
Chris Kilber is a man of integrity, character and perseverance… a successful husband, father and entrepreneur… and I am honored to call him my friend.
Please enjoy now, Part 1 of his important message – Steve
Steve and I talked the other evening on the phone and actually one of the topics we talked about was procrastination. I had commented on Steve’s post “I Can… I Will… Part 2” and this hit a chord with us both. We discussed me doing a guest blog post, so here it is. Now I certainly have a different style than Steve, you’ll notice I get a bit too wordy, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. You should also note that as a dominate left brain thinker and being a guy, I have to write about feelings. This is certainly a first for me. The topic, procrastination in business because of the fear of rejection, and how it effects prospecting.
The number one reason people are hesitant or don’t pick up the telephone and call some prospects is the fear of rejection. This is not only true of the telephone but extends itself to other areas of people’s lives. The anxiety felt causes a knee jerk response that is typically out of proportion to the event itself and is most likely a reaction to a past experience dating back to childhood. Since that time, any new negative experiences have only compounded that old memory and reinforced the apprehension.
As a networker or entrepreneur, it is vital to your business that you get a clear and true handle on rejection. You need to know how to handle rejection and how not to take it personally. Over the years negative signs, signals, tones, inflections, words and phrases pile up. They may have come from parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, teachers, babysitters, or neighbors. Some were intended, some weren’t. Either way, they became self rejecting beliefs that contend with your adult relationships. Anything that resurfaces those old beliefs can ignite into reactions larger than life.
The reason people will not pick up the phone to do prospecting is they fear being rejected and hearing the word, “No”. They take it personally and hold on to it and often times feel like they are a failure or that they did something wrong. This paralyzation is the number one reason people fail to fulfill their dreams. When someone experiences this phobia because of a verbal attack, not only are they dealing with the situation at hand, but typically old previous traumas going back to childhood. Often they were actions or consequences however intended, that shaped our lives over time.
We fast forward today to the average networker or entrepreneur and we have a common situation of fearing rejection. In fact, many of the apprehensions are perceived before we even get them. We fear that someone will make a negative comment about our network marketing opportunities, then the word, “No”. People enter into their opportunities very energetically. They spend a large amount of time getting ready to get ready. They do everything they need to, except…. the phone.
So we first need to understand the nature of the problem before we can tackle it. Now I’m predominately a left brain thinker and a male, no comments from the peanut gallery now, so talking about feelings and nurturing, abandonment and fear, and otherwise other right brain thinking is a little hard for me. Needless to say, it’s our upbringing, and how we were raised, or not raised, that makes us what we are today. We are products of our experiences. Many of these experiences were just the way things were. Men are supposed to be strong and not show their feelings. This is still en-grained into society today. We are not supposed to question authority and the status quo. We are not supposed to be individuals and nonconformists. Why? We get shunned. We get shunned and then because we did not properly understand why, we experienced feelings of abandonment, guilt, shame, and a host of other feelings. We all have negative experiences in our upbringing that effect the way we are today. These feelings then get buried and are stored in our subconscious and manifest themselves years later with fear, mainly of the telephone.
The first thing you have to do to overcome the problem is stop taking things personally. A “No” on the phone is not a permanent condition nor is it a status of your life. “No’s” are simply a part of the process. Start to view the things that hold you back in life as short term. Realize there are no failures. All roadblocks can be turned around to make building blocks if you change your philosophy. Start to view everything you do as a part of a journey.
Next time… Dozens of ways to change….
Visit Chris online at http://www.ChrisKilber.com
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