stevebuelow.com

So it used to be that children went to their Grandparent’s homes to be, in my case, anyway… pretty well spoiled and doted on with every conceivable expression of love…

Laughter, check.
Treats and gifts, got ‘em.
Hugs and kisses, yup.
Fun and games, you know it.
And was it possible… even more treats?

Well, let’s just say grandma wasn’t up on the latest nutritional research!

But they did love us, and then they sent us home where reality set in, where responsibility ruled, and Mom could always hit the panic button if we got too out of control!

“Wait ’til your father gets home…” was a statement that brought my sugar high and my attitude into perspective on more than one occasion.

**************************************************************************************************************

But more and more… Father isn’t coming home.

No, more and more… Mom is really carrying the entire load. And if you’re in that position, I don’t need to type an exhaustive list here for you to understand the weight of it all. But it seems that all too often, many family relationships are becoming increasingly complicated.

Yes, this week in my discussions with friends, family, and even a handful of acquaintances and strangers… several scenarios emerged. On one hand were moms and kids and husbands and wives who really looked forward to this day – Mother’s Day – and on the other hand were moms and kids and ex-husbands and wives who dreaded this day passionately.

Oh, and in the middle were the Greeting Card companies, who ALWAYS wait with anticipation for days like today! Just in our family alone we should have helped put a dent in the National Debt… but I digress.

Then again, everyone isn’t as fired up about card buying as are we!

I saw a near meltdown in the store this week over a $5.69 Hallmark Special… “It doesn’t matter WHAT we buy her,” the woman told her husband, “Mom’s just going to hate it anyway! There ain’t NO WAY that I’m spending THAT KIND OF MONEY on a [insert your favorite adjective] card…”

One can only imagine the amount of stuff that’s built up to that conversation.

**************************************************************************************************************

So to all the moms in my life… from my loving and incredible wife, my mom, mother-in-law, recently departed step-mom-in-law… to my dear sister, sisters-in-law, aunts, nieces, cousins, friends and others… thank you.

You are loved and appreciated more than you know.

Happy Mother’s Day :)

Photo Credit:

Daizy B

{ 0 comments }

“So, how do you know when it’s time to move on in your career?”

In one form or another, it’s a question I get asked fairly often… in fact, the topic came up several times in the last few days.

Then again, I suppose it’s not surprising given that, in survey after survey, over half the population says they’d do something else… if, their financial future was assured through other means.

And people are really wrestling with this.

“I’m thinking about looking for a new job, what do you think?” asked one. “I’m worried about the economy, but I’ve always wanted to work for myself and I’m not getting any younger,” said another.

Or, earlier today on e-mail, “I can’t explain it. I’ve been the top-producer for six years, but for the first time… I just don’t even want to get on that plane next week.”

Now, admittedly… I have only worked for someone else for a GRAND TOTAL of FIFTEEN MONTHS in the last TWENTY-FOUR YEARS. However, with companies that I have owned, I HAVE had to decide when it was time to hang up one vision… to pursue another.

So how do you know?

**************************************************************************************************************

Well… in searching for my own answers, I found that I needed to be completely honest about three questions.

First, had I taken the business as far as I COULD take it? This really meshes the issues of ability and capacity.

Second, had I taken the business as far as I was WILLING to take it? Obviously, this gets to the heart of important Values issues.

And third, was the benefit of sticking with the status quo outweighed by the cost (lost opportunities) of not changing? Put another way… is there something else I could (and should) be doing?

Pretty simple stuff, really… and practical too!

But what if you don’t work for yourself… what if you’re an employee… and what did I recommend to my friends and associates who brought it up to me this week?

I assume you won’t be shocked if I tell you that I asked three questions!

First, do you believe that your company’s solution is the BEST option for your customers and prospects?

And second, do you believe in the integrity, character, and competence of your company’s leadership team?

Quite simply, if you cannot answer “Yes” to both of those questions… it is time to move on. Life is too short to promote products you don’t believe in… or people you don’t trust.

Period.

“Now wait, Steve… you said there were THREE questions.” And, of course you are correct.

The third question sheds light on where you may want to consider going next, if indeed… you answered “No” to either of the first two questions.

Ask yourself whether you believe you can make a bigger impact on your own.

In other words, can you move the dial… can you innovate… can you improve this (or another) market by bringing your talent, energy, and passion to the game as the leader of your own team?

If so, it is likely that there are people who have been waiting to meet you… possibly praying to meet you… they just didn’t know who you were!

We all need to search for our own answers… I’d love to hear yours!

Photo Credit:

James Thompson

{ 0 comments }

Fear is a funny thing.

Well actually, I don’t mean funny… funny. I mean sort of strange, somewhat troubling, quirky, mysterious and often unexplained… funny.

For example, even at fifty… I can stand on one foot for what seems like forever, or walk the rail of a railroad track for hundreds of yards without even a chance of falling off.

No problem.

Maybe it’s just my low center of gravity, but I’ve always had incredible balance, and have been doing it since I was a kid.

So, that’s what’s so weird. On a trip to the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls… I felt like I was going to fall over the edge from thirty feet away!

Similarly, I have OFTEN been perfectly content hanging off the edge of a wobbly extension ladder while painting the second story of a house… but climbing the stairs of a completely solid Ranger’s tower makes me, well… glad I’m not a Ranger!

“C’mon, Steve… get with it”, you say. “Face your fear.”

**************************************************************************************************************

On Thursday, May 17th, 1984, I drove down the driveway of the inner-city Milwaukee flat in which I lived. Ninety days later, I would leave for good… but that’s ANOTHER story.

On THIS day, my five-year-old Yamaha was loaded for travel, and I was off to meet a friend in Chicago, and then west across the plains to Denver and beyond… a Rocky Mountain motorcycle trip that we had dreamed about for several years.

And oh… the stories! I could write a… I may write a… I really OUGHTA write a book.

But, alas… I digress. This story, if you remember, is about fear!

Throughout the trip, this quirky fear of heights came and went. Sometimes non-existent… other times, powerful and stifling. And then I remembered an ad that I had seen right before we left… an ad for skydiving!

Show up in the morning… attend a few hours of ground-school… jump from a plane at 10,000 feet in the afternoon!

“THIS IS IT!”, I yelled. “This IS the ticket!”

I mean, what better way to conquer a fear of heights than to jump out of an airplane!? No instructor… just you, anchored to a static cord… out the door and into the wild blue!

And jump we did.

Heart rate steady at sixty beats per minute… nearly silent… absolutely NO FEAR… peace.

It was a thing of beauty…

**************************************************************************************************************

I heard somebody say once that action CURES fear… though I think that maybe this was a bit of a generalization made by someone who was trying to get someone else to do something!

To be sure, there are times where our fear is completely justified… and, in fact, there’d be something wrong with us if we WEREN’T afraid. And in such situations… action is often EXACTLY what’s necessary. Indeed, bravery… or courage, is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to take action in spite of it.

But then there are those other circumstances… you know, where fear can be just a weird, annoying, irrational emotion. What should we do then… and is there REALLY an action that cures THAT fear? Will jumping out of an airplane, for example… CURE a fear of heights?

Here’s what I know for sure.

Skydiving is a blast, and so is piloting small aircraft… I went ahead and got my pilot’s license nineteen years ago, and have enjoyed every minute. I also love Ferris Wheels, Roller Coasters, and Theme Park rides that launch you hundreds of feet into the air.

And here’s what else I know.

As of yesterday, the last flight of stairs on the Ranger’s tower was, well… really, REALLY irrational!

I look forward to speaking with you soon!

Questions:

Is fear stopping you from any activity in your personal or professional life?

What is your plan to go over, around, or through it?

What will you do Monday morning to move the dial?

Photo Credit:

eva101

{ 2 comments }

I hadn’t really planned on making this a two-part post. 

When I wrote “Are You Competent..?” a few days ago, about a conversation I had with a family friend who was really struggling… I felt I had said, what needed to be said… at least for now.

And then today, I got the call.  “What call..?” you ask.

The call that said everything… YES, EVERYTHING… had changed since our talk the other day.  Everything, as in new life plan… new health plan… new business plan.

Oh yeah… and a real change in attitude and outlook.

Of course, those emotions must now be sustained… but oh my… is she ever off to a good start!

**************************************************************************************************************

As we discussed in the earlier article… competence can really hang us up. When we feel the need to be highly competent at everthing we do… we often limit the number of activities that we will pursue.

We ONLY ATTEMPT those which we are CERTAIN to do with near perfection.

Problem is… most goals that are BIG ENOUGH to be WORTHY of our time, focus and energy cannot be accomplished without going through a fair amount of personal growth… a steep learning curve… or some serious testing of our metal.

And “near perfection” doesn’t live there… yet.

When we stick to the stuff that we’re already good at… we sacrifice our ability to improve other skills that are critically important to the overall success of our idea or venture. Yes, we sacrifice the goal itself.

**************************************************************************************************************

And that is what’s so cool about what our friend did.

In seventy-two hours… she accomplished a vitally important step… an integral piece of a much bigger goal… that had been languishing undone… for months.

More importantly… it set off a chain reaction of opportunities that would have passed unnoticed from the viewpoint she held just days earlier.

Very cool indeed.

I look forward to speaking with you.

Questions:

What opportunities might we find hiding in plain sight… when we finally agree to do, what we have been unwilling to do?

What can you do by next Monday to move the dial on a stuck goal?

Will you do it?

Photo Credit:

accent on eclectic

{ 0 comments }

In a discussion with a family friend earlier today, she related that there were some activities that weren’t getting done… activities that she really felt needed to be accomplished in order for her to stay on track.

After the usual chit-chat about fear… and priorities… you know, the text-book stuff… I asked her about competence. You see, she is one of the most competent people I know… at least in all her areas of competence!

I asked her if it were possible that she is not doing these other things because she does not yet feel competent doing them… and BINGO!

Me-thinks we might have nailed it.

This was pointed out to me some years back when I was struggling with the very same thing. I was extremely competent in EVERYTHING I did… simply because I didn’t do ANYTHING in which I wasn’t competent.

In her case, the schedule is full of things at which she is very… very good. But this leaves little time to improve in other areas that are critical to the achievement of goals.

This can really become a stumbling block to learning… and to action. In fact, the need to be competent can actually stop action all together… and it is harder to start again the next time.

The advice I received all those years ago is still very valid. “The secret to becoming very good at something… is to be willing to be not perfect at it for awhile.”

Yes… good advice indeed.

Takeaways:

The need to be (or appear to be) competent in every activity… can keep us from attempting worthy and worthwhile projects.

Be willing to try and fail. You might even succeed!

I look forward to speaking with you.

Photo Credit:

jgodsey

{ 0 comments }

We live in a threatening world.

A quick scan of recent headlines has world leaders threatening other governments… other governments threatening their own people… and global warming threatening us all.

We have judges threatening out-of-control celebrities… out-of-control celebrities threatening their producers… and advertisers threatening the networks for threatening the out-of-control actors who are threatening to trash the brand.

What goes around, comes around.

We have a President in Washington, D.C. threatening members of his own party who don’t toe the line… we have teachers in Wisconsin threatening chaos in the classroom and the Capital… and a Governor threatening layoffs of public employees if the opposing Senators who left the state make good on their own threats to stay away indefinitely.

The House of Representatives is threatening a government shutdown… OPEC is threatening higher oil prices… and banks are threatening foreclosure on millions of American homes.

We hear of threats to our children’s education… threats to Grandma’s health care… and threats to our society’s moral conscience.

Quick question… can we stop with the threats, please?

***********************************************************************************************************

Soon, but first…

In the business world, inept managers are threatening employees… vision-less employees are threatening the management or each other… and a toxic corporate culture is threatening the very survival of tens of thousands of companies today.

And in far too many families, husbands and wives threaten each other… parents threaten children… and the Weather Channel threatens to ruin our weekend!

“Oh my, did you hear about the terrible storm that’s on the horizon?”

No I didn’t… now please go away.

***********************************************************************************************************

I’m not much of a fan of threats, whether heavy or hollow… real or imagined.

I don’t think they accomplish much, with the possible exception of using them to provide cover and deflect blame, as in, “It’s your own fault, I warned you…”

Yeah, whatever.

Most often, I see threats as tools used to manipulate… period. And the truth is that most people don’t like to be manipulated very much.

When I was a kid, there was a familiar saying that asked, “Is that a threat or a promise?”

Today there is a saying I like much better, “Just do it.”

If the right thing do is X… then do X.
If you must do Y… then do Y.

But if the truth is that it is B and S, then just stop.

Yes, I like that too… “Just stop it.”

I look forward to hearing from you.

Photo Credit:

VisualPanic

{ 0 comments }

A successful friend of mine likes to say that the harder she works… the luckier she gets.

Another friend says that he’s always been lucky… lucky that he’s not lazy, that is.

As for me, well… you know I just don’t put much stock in luck.

In fact, I guess I sorta feel the same way about luck as I do about coincidence, and we’ve talked about that many times before.

Simply put, I believe that most things happen for reasons… some of which we understand… and others which we don’t.

Most of the time, luck can easily be traced to factors such as cause and effect, healthy thought and work habits, or respecting either natural or spiritual laws of success.

You know, like…

What goes around comes around.
You get what you give.
As you sow, you will reap.
Treat others the way you want to be treated.

All that.

***********************************************************************************************************

Oh… and then there’s this.

You see, I believe another problem exists for those who trust in luck… and that is that luck leaves no room for Providence.

“Providence…” you say. “My mother was from Providence!”

Yeah, so was mine… Providence, Rhode Island… but that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the kind of Providence that has our Creator working (often tirelessly) in the lives of the created… in other words, for the benefit of you.

And (thankfully) me.

:)

***********************************************************************************************************

Okay, so now I can just hear the questions…

So do you really believe God is involved?
Are you from the Middle Ages?
What if you won the lottery?
Why would God care if you won the lottery?

My answer…

There are some things we just don’t know, like why did God care who won the Superbowl this year… but obviously He did, didn’t He!!!

Go Pack! :)

Sorry, I digress… what was the question again?

Oh, yes… wouldn’t I agree that winning the lottery would be considered a matter of luck, and alas… I would not.

Crazy worldview though you may think it… I actually believe that, no matter the odds, if God wants me to win the lottery my chances hover at right around… oh, I’d say… 100%.

And if He doesn’t, well… I guess it’s about 0%.

Hmmm… come to think of it, the odds on the Wisconsin lottery are somewhere in the neighborhood of 1:186 Bazillion… or, right about 0%, I’d say.

So, I suppose I’ll buy a ticket and leave it up to Him.

And in the meantime… I’ll work my tail off for my Causes and my Purposes, my Vision and my Mission… and we’ll see how lucky we get there.

I appreciate your prayers… no need to wish me luck.

Photo Credit:

idovermani

{ 0 comments }