stevebuelow.com

Call it a vice… or a passion… sometimes my burden.

But on any given day there will be two or three occasions that I just have to STOP EVERYTHING and READ SOMETHING… ANYTHING!

Maybe ten minutes… maybe half an hour… until I receive some insight or nugget of value.

I know, it’s weird… but I’ve learned a lot of stuff this way.

Thankfully, there’s plenty from which to choose. We have hundreds… even thousands… of books in our home, on virtually any conceivable subject.

And that’s after downsizing last Fall and spreading a sizable collection spanning a number of carloads between two county libraries and the Cultural Heritage Department with our neighbors in the Oneida Nation Tribal Community.

But alas, I digress… back to my story.

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Often when this feeling hits, I pick up the closest thing I can get my hands on… open it to anywhere… and read until, well… until I’m done.

Which, by the way, usually results in my daughter reminding me that books are meant to be read from the beginning… not from the middle or the end… but there I go digressing again.

So a few minutes ago I found myself on page 114 of Malcolm Gladwell’s National Bestseller, Blink… a tremendous book I read in its entirety about three or four years ago.

On that page, he describes the rules that govern Improvisational Comedy… the most important of which is that the movement of the conversation isn’t stopped by the other party shooting an idea down or taking an adversarial stance.

In other words, whatever is offered by one party… no matter how silly or ridiculous it may seem… is simply accepted by the other party and then used as the next building block to keep the conversation going.

One step leads to another.

And this concept reminded me of a conversation I had… or should I say that I didn’t have… with an acquaintance a few days ago.

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You see, it turns out that being a contrarian has its place… but using it as a form of communication in each and every circumstance isn’t likely one of them.

I’m not saying that we can’t disagree… or even that we can’t agree to disagree… but this conversation seemed negative just for the purpose of being negative.

It also came on the heels of this individual’s comment that he didn’t feel he was very successful at getting his points across because he felt that others argued with him a lot.

Hmm, I wondered… who is really arguing with whom?

So just to test a thought, I changed the subject and asked, “Did you see the game on Saturday night?”

The Green Bay Packers had just destroyed the top-seeded Atlanta Falcons and the entire community seemed to be riding the wave. In fact, the upcoming game against the rival Chicago Bears is the talk of much of the national sporting press, not to mention being fairly dominant in this city.

His response…

“I think the hype is ridiculous…”
“I don’t get it at all…”
“Never have… never will…”
“I don’t even want to talk about that…”
“I gotta go.”

And suddenly… true to his word, he was gone.

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In reading Mr. Gladwell’s words tonight, it suddenly dawned on me that breaking the flow of conversation not only brings Improv to a screeching halt… it also tends to have a similar effect as we make small talk and look for commonality to build other relationships as well.

Hmm… I thought, whether one likes football or not (or for that matter, any other subject), how difficult would it be to simply acknowledge another person’s interest and let the conversation run its course?

You know, just accept the comment, use it as a building block… and move on.

Think how differently the conversation might have gone…

Me: “Did you see the game on Saturday night?”
Him: “No, but I heard it was REALLY something…”

Simple.

Oh… and (GO PACK)

Photo Credit:

austinevan

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You know, I had only planned to write three articles on this particular topic, but I want to clarify just one other thought tonight… if only for myself.

Earlier this evening, I was thinking about a few interactions I’ve had over the past two days and the role that “asking” played in each. In fact, in each of these conversations I got EXACTLY what I wanted…

An answer.

Sometimes that answer was, “yes”.
Sometimes that answer was, “no”.

Now I understand that some people are only interested in one type of answer… the one they want :)

But that tends to wipe out most of the reason for asking in the first place.

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Now this is not to say we don’t ask for what we want… to be sure, that is a PRIME REASON for asking.

In fact, if we don’t ask for what we want… there is often little chance we will receive it. Most people are simply not that great at mind-reading to know what we’re thinking. And those little tell-all seeds from Gilligan’s Island are in short supply!

Don’t remember? Check out the video below:

You know, I’ve been searching for those seeds since 1966. Ah well. :)

Anyway, ask, and you will receive… an answer.

Some examples, you ask?
I KNEW that’s what you were thinking!

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The time was 9:20pm on Wednesday evening and I was about to go live with some exciting developments on a nationwide conference call with a number of key players on our team.

And then I had a thought.

I texted the CEO of one of the most respected nutritional research and development companies in America and asked if he were available to speak to the group.

Seven minute notice…
Seriously talented and passionate executive…
Unbelievable demands on his time…
He rocked the call.

Ask a question… get an answer.

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Another, you say?

I picked up the phone and called a friend to whom I had recently given some product samples. Might as well have been liquid gold… quite possibly the best nutrition he’s had in 50 years. And I knew he felt great.

His mother, however, is struggling… BIG-TIME health challenges.

I asked my friend if there were any reason we couldn’t get some of these tremendous products to his mom… today.

Three minute phone call…
Out of the clear blue…
Can we or can’t we…
He gave me his credit card info.

Ask a question… get an answer.

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One for the road.

I ran into a gentleman yesterday that I suppose I’ve run into 30 or so times over the past five years… we’ll call him Bob.

Now Bob isn’t his real name… but this is a bit personal and I want to respect his privacy. At the same time I don’t want to continuously refer to him as “this guy” or something along those lines, so… Bob it is.

So here’s the deal with Bob… he’s likely dying.

I asked if he were concerned about any aspect of his health. I’m not prying, just asking because I care. I’ve seen the results of these products, so I ask.

He thanks me and then looks at his stomach and says he needs to lose weight. So I ask how it’s going, and he says not so well. So I ask if he’s open to looking at an all-natural product that could likely whack his cravings and balance his metabolism.

150-180 pounds overweight and on a few prescriptions…
High cholesterol and high blood pressure…
Low kidney and liver function… dead sex life.
He said no.

Fair enough.
Ask a question… get an answer.

I look forward to hearing what questions you’re asking.

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Okay, so let’s set this up.

I had just left one appointment last week and was on my way to another. My mind was full of optimism as I considered the possibilities of what was just laid at my feet, and my spirit was full of thankfulness as I, well…

Considered the possibilities of what was just laid at my feet.

The next few hours were going to be wall-to-wall… so I picked up my phone. Here’s what I was thinking:

I really should call Dr. Patti…
She could have such an impact in this Vision…
No, on second thought I REALLY should call my wife.
Snap decision… I called my prospective team member.

Truth is, the traffic was heavy… there were sirens somewhere… I really knew better…
I SHOULD NOT have been on the phone at all.

Thought I’d throw in that additional lesson for those who have ears to hear.

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Remember, the purpose of the call is to ask questions which clarify, qualify or build rapport. Did I mention I shouldn’t have been on the phone at all?

Just checking :) Here’s how it went.

I called.
The good doctor answered.

Just as she was suggesting that I call again “sometime” next week, the flashing lights were now coming closer as I pulled over to let the State Trooper pass.

Yes, okay I responded… “sometime” next week.

I did say I shouldn’t have been on the phone, right?
Scattered attention… lack of preparation… I clarified nothing.

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Now compare.

Two days earlier, I received a call from a terrific gentleman who retired a few years ago and is looking to do anything to avoid being “done”.

He’s aware of a Harvard Medical breakthrough and some proprietary technology we’ve got our hands on and wants to know more. Actually, he wants a piece of it and I don’t blame him. Further, he’s decided that he’s going to make an impact, if he has anything to say about it… which, of course, he does.

“So, I’m interested to learn more about…”, he said.

At which point I could have begun a ninety-five minute monologue on the science that led up to this discovery followed by another hour and a half or so about where we are headed in the first and second quarter of this year.

And I suppose I could still be talking about the international and charitable aspects we’ll be supporting with the Mission…

But I didn’t.
Instead I clarified… I asked a question.

“Jim,” I said, “There are so many great resources I could share. Specifically, in what aspect are you most interested?”

“Well, I guess I’m interested to know how a guy could get a territory. I believe I could really sell this.”

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Now, two points.

First, knowing what I know today, I can tell you that there is absolutely NO DOUBT in my mind whatsoever that he is correct. Yes, Jim CAN sell this, and I believe he will help a ton of people and be compensated quite well in the process.

Second, had I not asked a very specific question to clarify the situation, I could have prattled on for a week and a half about every feature and benefit that was most important in MY MIND and I would have missed the one and only thing that mattered most…

…and that is, what was most important in HIS MIND.

Yes… ask, and you shall receive :)
I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Photo Credit:

Victor Bezrukov

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It’s not about control.
Let me put it another way… It’s NOT about control.
I’m sorry, one more time… IT’S NOT ABOUT CONTROL!

So here’s my advice…
Stop trying to control everything.

I was having a conversation with an aspiring young salesperson recently who had just spent a few days and a few hundred dollars learning the “Art of Selling”.

The “whole trick”, he said, is to stay in control of the process… and that, he said, means asking questions.

“So THAT’S the trick,” said I.

“Yup,” he said…
“Ask questions… stay in control… close sales.”

I’m not really into tricks… so I asked a question :)

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Now I must tell you… I really disagree with his line of thinking.

And while I completely understand the important role of questions in the sales process… I see their usefulness for a very different reason. You see, I don’t believe the purpose IS to stay in control… in fact, I don’t even believe it’s in the best interest of the salesperson to try to stay in control.

Even more to the point…

If we are dealing with a true decision maker who has ultimate “yes” or “no” authority and complete purchasing power… then we are absolutely kidding ourselves if we think we are in control at all.

And that statement is true whether we are dealing with the CEO in a corporate boardroom… or a consumer shopping from the comfort of their own livingroom.

Questions are important, to be sure… but only to clarify… qualify… and build honest rapport.

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Okay, so what’s all this, “Ask and you will receive…” stuff from the Scripture verse in Part 1?

Here’s what I believe.

Ask, and you will receive… an answer.
Plain and simple.
And that is all we can ask.

Ask a general question, and you will receive… a general answer.
Ask an ambiguous question, and you will receive… an ambiguous answer.
Ask a clear and specific question, and you will receive… a clear and specific answer.

In any new interaction, business or otherwise, we ask questions that allow us to determine what, if any, potential relationship exists.

Is this person a potential fit in any area of my life? Are they someone who is interested in the same hobby or issues… do they have similar hot-buttons… were they raised with the same core principles? Can I invite them to an event… maybe to my church… or are they an ideal prospect for my product or service? Do I even trust them at all? Do they trust me?

We simply clarify, qualify and build honest rapport… that’s it.
Whatever we don’t know, we ask. For example,

We clarify their priorities, experiences, buying habits, thought processes and preferences.
We clarify their comfort levels, goals, current relationships, time-tables and expectations.
We clarify the next step… who needs what… who’s doing what… and who’s paying for what.

Yes, we clarify all of the unknowns so that agreement can be reached… even if that agreement means we’re not right for each other and we agree to part friends.

Ask… and you’ll receive an answer.

A few real life examples next time.

Photo Credit:

Victor Bezrukov

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From the time I was quite young, one of my favorite Scripture verses was one that suggested that we should,

ASK, and we’ll receive
SEEK, and we’ll find
KNOCK, and the door will be opened

As a kid, I remember thinking it was pretty cool the day I figured out that the first letter of each word… Ask… Seek… Knock… spelled A.S.K.

Hmm… I thought, maybe this “asking” stuff is really important after all.

Yes, maybe our ability or inability to ask the right questions… of the right people… in the proper manner… with the right intention… and at the perfect time, can be THE critical factor in either moving our Vision ahead… or… spending another month or another year or more stuck for what seems an eternity.

Yes, ask and you will receive… I like that :)

Now, of course, what that particular verse doesn’t say is exactly what we’ll receive… but alas, I digress. Besides, I think I’ve got this one figured out.

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Fast forward.

Many years after this first little revelation about the importance of asking, another point of view on the same subject burst onto the scene… in the form of a boss… an influencer… though this one was not all that positive.

Determined, yes.
Positive, no.
A mentor, never.

No, this was one of several real control freaks that entered my world as I set off early on a career in selling and then ultimately as I transitioned to the Executive Suite and all the negotiating and posturing and game-playing that came with it.

“YOU MUST ASK QUESTIONS,” I was told, “WHOEVER ASKS THE QUESTIONS IS IN CONTROL!!! AND IN BUSINESS AND IN LIFE… IT’S ALL ABOUT CONTROL!!!”

Hmm…

Looking back, I suppose it was to him… but I’ve found that many situations in life are outside of our control. I’ve also observed that most people don’t much like to be under our control… and most conversations and relationships tend to work better when we give up control.

“Now hey, wait…” you shout, “I thought you just said learning to ask questions was critical to our success. Are you now saying it’s not that important?”

Good question, glad you asked :)

The answer, next time.

Photo Credit:

Victor Bezrukov

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For the second time in as many months I have hired a coach, and I am quite close to bringing on a third.

Three coaches! What does anyone need with three coaches, you say.

Pretty simple, really.

When it comes to coaching, I like a fair amount of specialization.

So a month ago, I made the first of four significant payments toward coaching services that will begin in February and that I expect will profoundly affect various outcomes and success in my business and financial life.

Then earlier today, I came to agreement with an individual who I believe will absolutely help me improve my physical life and conditioning beginning in January, and finally… I am speaking regularly with a leadership coach who has shown a willingness to help me grow my personal and spiritual relationships.

You see, in each case, some introspection led me to believe that I need to move. Yes, in fact, I need to make several major moves and I need to make those moves with purpose and passion and vision and… with the help of others.

Who needs a coach, you ask?
Well, it turns out… just about everyone.

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Since 1987, I have been Blessed to serve as President and CEO to fourteen thousand employees from countless and diverse industries and backgrounds.

Along the way, I suppose I have counseled hundreds of them on one topic or another, often sharing in absolute joys of life with some while simultaneously trying to make sense of literal tragedies with others.

I have also coached scores of real players to aim higher than they thought reasonable… and to accomplish more than they thought possible.

And during this time, I am thankful to have had the opportunity to mentor a handful of true superstars.

But here’s the important part.

I could never have done any of those without wonderful people who gave selflessly to pour light and life and energy into me… and who saw in me what even I could not see.

So who needs a coach, you ask?
Well, just about everyone.
And for sure… the coach.

I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Photo Credit:

The Wandering Angel

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A friend and I were visiting over coffee a few weeks ago in a terrific health-focused restaurant that she had recently purchased.

And yes, I actually DO believe that coffee can qualify as health-food, but alas… I digress :)

I listened intently as Sue spoke,

of her Vision…
of her Passion…
and of her Ministry.

Ministry?

Yes, she’s on a Mission from God… and, I believe… so are you.

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Ministry, like all forms of leadership, entails a delicate balance of servanthood, judgment and influence.

It is ART mixed with FAITH… a powerful combination that has the power to impact every person with whom we come into contact, and certainly those with whom we really connect.

When we lead by example, our lives and our work become living testimonies to the principles that we hold most dear… to the beliefs and values that guide our decisions, our priorities, our convictions and our relationships with others.

And in that process, we may suddenly find that we’ve become a source of strength, motivation, and encouragement to others at the very moment that they really needed…

…a minister.

Tag… your it :)

I look forward to hearing from you.

Video Credit:

LBC

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It’s a kind of ritual that I do periodically… and one that happens most frequently on or around this day each year, on Thanksgiving Day.

I gather up thoughts and memories of terrific and wonderful people that have come into my life over the past twelve months or so and then I reach out to them in one way or another.

Some of these introductions and meetings were very brief, coming and going like two ships passing in the night… or the airport, as it were!

Other introductions hold the promise of something more.

Either way… I reach out.

It used to be a ton of telephone calls in the day or two leading up to the holiday, or in the day or two that follow it.

Last year, it was accomplished almost completely by e-mail…

This year, mostly text messages… with a few e-mails, telephone calls and Facebook connections thrown in…

The medium doesn’t matter… I reach out.

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Earlier today, within a span of a half hour or so, I heard the following sentiment expressed on the radio more times than I could count:

“Just think of all the things you have to be thankful for…”

Forgetting for a moment the improper grammar of ending the statement with a preposition (my mom and dad will be so proud :), I started to think about the words…

Just think of all the things…
Think of all the things…

All… the… things…

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Whatever.

Maybe it’s just a saying.
Maybe a cliché…

But in the end, it is not going to be the things that matter much at all… it’s the people.

It is the relationships…
It is the friendships…
It is… you.

I hope you have a fabulous Thanksgiving with people you love:)

Photo Credit:

Kevin Dooley

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“This…,” my new boss said, “is a phonebook. Now get out and make some sales.”

As you learned in Part 1, that was it… training over!

I didn’t know it at the time, but my next several moves in that new position would change the course of my life forever… at least the working portion of my life.

So what was so powerful that morning in 1986?

Well, let me take a quick walk down Memory Lane and then I’ll consider a few lessons that are with me yet tonight!

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I knew nothing.

Not about the business… nor its history… nor the markets it served.
Didn’t know the product line… the profit margins… or the competitive advantages.
Never worked in the industry… had no training… and no mentor.

What I DID have was a high quota, so I picked up the phone and started calling.

It had to be pathetic… it couldn’t have sounded professional… this would never work, except…

Suddenly, after three or four calls… I had the President of a large manufacturing firm on the line and he wanted to know if I could be there in twenty minutes!

“Twenty minutes? Of course, I’ll see you then!”

It was thirty minutes away… I made it on time :)

Sweet.

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I walked through the front door of my very first prospect… was greeted and then told to wait for what seemed like forever in… you guessed it… an office down the hall with no furniture at all! When the potential client finally appeared, he was aggressive and ornery and vulgar and disrespectful.

I walked away with two job orders.

As I got in my car to leave, questions raced through my mind. I wondered… if THIS guy can be THIS successful being THIS much of a tyrant… what could a guy do who treated people with respect and dignity?

More specifically, what could I do?

Then I thought about how my day had started that morning… how that new job had begun… and the same questions popped up. If THIS company I am now working for can be THIS competitive with NO training… NO systems… and NO sales process…

What could I do?

A few more stories and fifteen months later… we found out :)

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Several Important Insights:

I didn’t wait ’til I knew everything in that position before I took action.
Once I acted, it wasn’t long before I produced.
As I produced, I found things to innovate.

Several More:

Respect is one of the greatest gifts you can give to another person.
Ideas are more likely to be implemented in a culture of respect than in a culture of fear.
The Golden Rule is as powerful and true today as it has ever been.

Final thought:

If you’re unhappy with the culture of the business you’re in… you may want to consider starting your own.

Just sayin’ :)

I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Photo Credit:

yatyat003

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